So you’re at your wits end; you’ve read everything about baby sleep routines, googled during the early hours of the morning, spent money on sleep training courses, and tried all the tricks and tips you’ve learned. Nothing is working. Your baby is still not sleeping through the night, you’re rocking them to sleep, they have contact naps only, you’re worried about them not getting enough daytime sleep and that affecting their nighttime routine, and you’re watching for sleepy cues like a hawk.
You’re trying it all and instead of your baby’s sleep improving, you’re finding that you feel worse; that you’re more focused on baby’s sleep than you are on just enjoying and being present with them. Sleep is all you can think about. Your mood is low and your energy lower. Something needs to change, but how?
This is a great question. How do you stop focusing so much on sleep when that’s all people ask about and it’s all you can think of because you’re so sleep deprived.
“How do I get my baby to sleep for longer stretches so I can have some independent sleep or down time?”
And here’s my answer for you: you have to challenge your thoughts and then change your focus.
Sounds easy, but how do we actually do that?
Follow these 3 steps to make long term changes in the way you think and where you place your attention.
- Catch the anxious thought. Become aware of what kinds of thoughts you’re having and then label them when they are anxious. (If you’re not sure whether they are anxious or not, check out my blog post all about the different kinds of anxious thoughts)
- Challenge the anxious thought. Pay attention to the facts – what is actually happening around you? Not what does it feel like is happening or what do you think is happening, but what is actually happening. I always say, focus on what we know to be true.
- Change the thought to a productive, fact based thought. Follow the path that we’ve created above by catching the anxious thought before it spirals, then challenging it with the facts / truth and then literally change the thought. Rewrite it so it is more productive and fact based.
Here’s the trick though. At the beginning you may not believe this new thought. It may feel fake or strange to be thinking in this new way; you may feel a bit out of sorts because the way you’re talking to yourself is so different from what you’re used to. And you certainly may not feel “better” the first few times you try this.
But trust me, when you practice this with patience and persistence you will feel and see the changes, and they will be dramatic.
Remember, the point to all of this is not to get rid of your anxiety. It is to engage with your anxious self; to get more familiar with that side of yourself. To invite your anxious self into these conversations and then politely excuse it when you’ve decided there is no need for it. Don’t be afraid of those anxious thoughts or your anxious voice; notice that it is there to protect you and then decide whether you need protection in that given moment.
A little hint: most of the time you won’t need the protection your anxious self is trying to offer, it is just our body and brain’s automatic response to go into that alert mode. So it’s your job to calm it down and focus on what you actually need to do in the present moment.
Try this out and be in touch to let me know how it works.
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