Have you heard of the concept Matrescence before?
If not, you’re not alone. But it’s actually a really important concept to understand as a Mama (and as a society).
To give you some context: you’ve likely heard the term adolescence in reference to the period of time following a young person’s transitions from childhood into adulthood. Adolescence is typically when there are changes in the psychological, social and moral aspects of a young person’s life, as well as a time of undergoing physical changes in maturation. This stage of life is usually between the ages of 10 – 19 years old. (World Health Organization)
Okay, so now let’s bring in the term matrescence (coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in 1973). Matrescence is termed as the changes a mother goes through, biologically, psychologically / emotionally, socially and spiritually that happen as she shifts roles in her life from an individual identity to that of a mother.
It’s actually almost the exact same thing as adolescence except in relation to mothers. (I know, wild!) And there is no age or time limit surrounding matrescence. Instead a mother enters matrescence when her transition into motherhood begins. Matrescence is all about the adjustment to the new reality of life that motherhood brings and then acknowledging those changes that a woman goes through as she becomes a mother.
“You will never again be quite the same person you were before the baby, and while this shift should not be feared, neither should it be taken lightly”.
Daniel Stern, The Birth of a mother
Here are some examples of what mamas may experience in the matrescence stage, things that are so commonly misunderstood as not liking or appreciating motherhood (or feeling guilty that they are not adjusting the way they had hoped or feel they ‘should’):
- A loss of identity due to the shift in priorities – not having time to do what she enjoyed pre-motherhood, but not knowing how or when to take care of herself
- Experiencing a mindset that is different than the one before – different emotional reactions, values, beliefs, motives, responsibilities and vulnerabilities
- Changes in previous friendships: as priorities shift some people don’t fit into life anymore or they may outgrow each other as friends
- Reevaluating and redefining their role in the family
- Feeling like everything is so different and yet so much the same: daily tasks, household responsibilities, routine – the day can feel mundane as freedom and flexibility of time shifts
- Exhaustion because there is no time off; motherhood requires their attention 24 hours a day 7 days a week
- Feeling anxious about all the unknowns in the new role as a mother and how to care for a newborn baby – there is no specialized training to become a mother, and yet she is expected to know everything intuitively, and meet societal expectations
- The push / pull concept explained by Alexandra Sacks – this idea of both wanting to be with your baby, but also wanting to be alone
- Struggling with the changes in professional status – taking maternity leave and maybe deciding not to return to work
And, oh my gosh, so much more. This is just scratching the surface of what mamas go through as they adjust to one of the biggest changes in their life (physically, emotionally and mentally). Matrescence is a real term and we need to talk about these struggles to adjust more openly; to share how challenging it can be as everything around us changes.
I should also note that mental health plays a huge part in the changes a woman goes through as she enters into motherhood. Matrescence is about the deep rooted changes a woman experiences as she changes her identity and can absolutely lead to more serious mental health challenges. It is normal and common for women to struggle with their transition through matrescence, but please don’t feel bad or like you are doing something wrong if those changes feel too big and you need additional support. That support exists and you absolutely deserve to have a space to talk through it and get the help you need.
xoxo
photo credit: pexels.com
